Today I had an encounter with God and came to one conclusion: we never dare to say that we HAVE learnt. We only dare to say that we are still learning.
I guess the conviction set in when I realised that in my listening to God, although I've heard some of these principles many times, there was 3 levels of understanding:
1. When listening, and comprehending;
2. When listening, and doing;
3. When doing becomes a habit, and finally part of us.
Today I had an encounter with God. I had been wondering, especially since yesterday night, why my spirit felt so dry yesterday during church. It only occurred to me when Huilian and Ivan prayed for me for like the 4th or 5th time yesterday, and then I realised that something was blocking, something seemed to be in the way, and the surprising thing was, something I had a lot of difficulty letting go.
So I could feel the power of the Spirit, I could feel the Spirit trying to whack something within me...but I had no idea what it was. And I was quite perplexed, actually.
Today was a heavy day. It would've been, if you felt as if you suddenly 'lost' the Spirit somewhere (that was the feeling, although that's not the fact obviously). But as I came back from the airport, where I was marking scripts:
Suddenly, I felt the stirring of the Spirit.
And as if on impulse, I told the Lord, "I can't help all these people, Lord. I'm just an ordinary church member. You can."
And then suddenly there was a flood of messages from the Lord. And I mean, a FLOOD. The Lord reminded me of all the lessons which I was supposed to have learnt in the past: how is it that "this church is not mine, it's his, and so I'm just a normal church member who just does his best for the Kingdom of God"--I am meant to "surrender this church into the hands of God"; about how "it's not up to us who to save, what to say, who to counsel, but He will put us in the correct time and place to make things happen for him"; about that "this whole SPIRITUAL LIFE, the very existence of our relationship with God, in fact depends more on Him than even us!--we can't even begin to produce this overcoming life even if we wanted to(!); and that "there are no rules in Christianity: only one rule--follow the Spirit".
And "this faith is a repenting faith. Repentance is our greatest gift and our greatest treasure".
If you had been in the Outreach the last few months, you would found all these statements familiar. They were God's lessons to me during those times, and with each of them was such a searing sense of unworthiness meant to remind me that these statements are not born out of "theory" or abstractions. They are only known when we realise that all our formulas for organising life are less than adequate for the perfection of life God has for us.
Sorry if this post seems rather abstract, I'm struggling to make it as concrete as I can. But what was the Lord telling me?
Simply this: I have not learnt as much as I hoped I'd learnt. Yes, the statements are familiar. Yes, it rings a bell. But no, it has not yet become a habit. Surrender, letting go, choosing to abide in the peace of Christ (and not worry about the ministry or school!) is not yet a habit of my life. I will tell you what's the habit--the need to organise, to be in charge, to make things happen; to doubt, to worry, to question; to "MAKE SURE" everything is ok and prepared. But he wants surrender. He wants me to know, to know, to KNOW--that I am not in control of the events of my life. I cannot control things to make it happen the way I want to. I can only surrender to the one who REALLY has control--the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the one who holds time in his hands and who will never ever change. And this cannot be intellectual surrender. How do I know if I have learnt? Only in a crisis. Only when things go suddenly wrong. My instant, unplanned, subconscious reaction is then the clearest answer as to whether I have known or not.
I am very humbled by the Lord. And I repent in dust and ashes.
I realised this is one of the dangers of leadership. As a leader, you try to draw upon your experience to bless others. But sometimes, unwittingly, we reinforce to ourselves that we KNOW. Problem? After a while, we actually believe that we know.
Today I have learnt that I have not known as much as I hoped. But that was my liberation. I have nothing to prove. And I'm not the Messiah. I just do whatever I'm supposed to, to please my Master as much as I can. And to be as obedient as I can. And if I happen to be at the right time, at the right place, with the right giftings, to bless someone else's life, I can rejoice that I was an eyewitness for what the Lord has done.
To God be all the glory. Or as we would say in modern language, "Well done, God!"
P.S.
Let us learn, until God's principles becomes a habit.
Let us learn, until learning becomes a habit.
God bless all of you.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Meditations on Learning
Posted by theChosenCan at 9:15 PM
Labels: reflections of elders
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4 comments:
Do comment more on the "there are no rules in Christianity: there is only one rule - follow the Spirit." I would like to hear your thoughts on that one.
Especially since this is the basis on which many liberals in the USA are calling for recognising gay marriage. They claim the Spirit is directing the church to do so.
Haha. Well, since all of Christian life stems from the Spirit, I'd say the Spirit leads us by His Word and His power to ultimately produce His fruit.
So in following the Spirit, we never nullify the God-breathed (breath = Spirit) Word. What we affirm is our incapability to fulfil it, or even to use them as rules. Rather, we follow the Spirit. And inadvertently, fulfil the 'rules'.
(To answer your question before returning to my point: since the Spirit has revealed through his Word that homosexuality is not acceptable under grace, there is no-go for homosexuality. God himself will more than supply our need for grace for us to supercede and overcome this sin, as he will abundantly supply us for all other sins like anger, jealousy, bitterness, etc.)
That's why there is only one rule by which all other rules are 'unlocked': follow the Spirit (his Word, his power, his fruit). Any other rule that sets itself higher than this will lead back to the flesh.
Jesus said that the most important commandment has 2 parts, "Love the Lord your God w. all your heart, soul, mind, body", and Part II: "love your neighbour as yourself". Through this biggest commandment, all the Law can be fulfilled.
Similarly, I would say, follow the Spirit, so that you can fulfil Jesus' most important commandment and all other requirements of God's standard. There is no other way. And I would boldly say, just as Jesus highlighted the biggest commandment, we highlight following the greatest Spirit. From Him, each and every promise of God through Christ Jesus will be fulfilled in our lives.
I agree with Dan on the part he mentioned about the Holy Spirit n Word goes hand in hand. 2nd thing to watch out for is the 9 fruits of the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer.
Maybe it's also good that I comment a bit on my attitude towards the Word. The Word comes from the Spirit himself. Foolstop. It therefore is the Spirit's Word. There can be no division, or worse still, opposition, between the Word and the Spirit, because they were never separate. Because the Word is the instructions given by the Spirit. It's the Spirit's Word.
It's just like "Daniel" and his hand. You can't say "I'd like to accompany Daniel, but we have to leave his hand out". You also can't say, "You may have Daniel, but we have his hand". Both these statements don't make sense. They aren't separate. You can't have Daniel without his hand. So we can't say "We must have the Spirit, but we must have the Word too". We say "we must have the Spirit--his Word, his Power, his Deeds, his Character, etc, etc". You can make a division between his Power and his Character, or his Power and his Word. But there can never be a division between Spirit himself and any of these things. :)
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